so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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