my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize