I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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