Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
