what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
