I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
