If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it was like eating out sand paper
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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