remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
