Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
