The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
