spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
