I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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