cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Welp...herpes.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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