you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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