when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
