I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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