i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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