I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
