I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
