I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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