Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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