yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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