the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize