I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize