I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it penis luge time yet?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
