New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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