Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
