why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
