bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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