the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
