i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
