so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
