I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
