ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
