i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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