he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
