well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
