But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
