Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
