I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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