Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
