I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
