***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
