please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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