great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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