You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
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I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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