Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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