i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
