can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
