and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
