break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
