Welp...herpes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
