About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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