i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
