Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
