That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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