dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
