Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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