yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
