last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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