Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
