My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize