Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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