Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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