So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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