I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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