and you said cock pushups were impossible
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
