I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
