Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
