Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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