I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
