Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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