i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
