I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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