Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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