Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
