when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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